Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
