My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
