did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
