I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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