you win again, gameday.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
