There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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