What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
