I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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