how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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