Just fell off a train. Bad.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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