so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
