Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
