She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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