There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
