He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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