i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
