All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
