I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
