Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
