My balls are so social today.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
