at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
