Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have demons in me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
