i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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