My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
