i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
