Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
