I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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