I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
