I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
