Apparently you make a good broom.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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