Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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