who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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