Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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