I think I won the penis lottery.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
