So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
