i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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