I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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