Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
