Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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