Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
