i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Someone signed my nipple.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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