Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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