I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
