i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My bed smells like the plague
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
