No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
