____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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