the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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