I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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