I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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