my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
