I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
